2.25.15 | Outside – Calvin Harris ft. Ellie Goulding

Stand-out Lyric/sGotta be so strong / There’s a power in what you do / Now every other day I’ll be watching you / I’ll show you what it feels like / Now I’m on the outside / We did everything right /Now I’m on the outside

I don’t know what it is about Ellie Goulding lately. I can sit through a whole day of nothing but her songs and still be content with listening to more. I know that this is technically Calvin Harris’ song but Ellie steals the show for me. I watched the music video for this song about 2 weeks ago and its imagery is still with me.
I remember being in an unhealthy relationship and never really knowing what was going to come next with him. In addition to that feeling, I also didn’t know how to get out of the relationship. I felt the internal ticking clock of our relationship and I tried to fight it, thinking that it would get better or thinking that I’d just learn to deal with it. Of course, it wasn’t always that way, so that’s why I had hope that it would sort itself out.
When you’re in that kind of relationship whether it be physically or emotionally abusive, you make up all the excuses in the world to not leave and you defend you and your partners obnoxious and insane behavior to the very end. It’s not until you finally make the big decision to leave that you see how messed up everything was. When you are on the outside.
He came back for me, and continued trying for about a year after I had ended things. He kept saying how perfect we were and how much he loved me. I wanted him so badly to see the things that I was finally seeing. I wanted him to be on the outside with me looking in at what once was our relationship and see how toxic it was, for both of us.

Yours for the listening,

1.25.15 | The Heart Wants What It Wants – Selena Gomez

Standout Lyric/s – The future that we hold is so unclear / But I’m not alive until you call / And I’ll bet the odds against it all / Save your advice ’cause I won’t hear / You might be right but I don’t care / There’s a million reasons why I should give you up / But the heart wants what it wants

I finally got to see my best friend in the new year! I already wrote about her before (Wildflowers -Tom Petty) but sometimes you just gotta write about your best friend a million times. 😛
We did a lot of talking, grabbed some lunch, and went to Ulta and went to get some Cinnabuns at Target. This, I told her, is what makes me feel normal. Hanging out with her, discussing ANYTHING that pops into our minds. We have discussed Selena Gomez probably a million times. How we want to be her, sing like her, act like her, why she ever goes back to stupid Justin Beiber, everything. When Selena came out with this song, I texted Kaitlynn immediately to ask her if she had seen/heard it. When she finally listened, she said that it reminded her of her relationship with theatre.
This whole crazy thing that we get into where others get to judge us and tell us if we’re good enough to get “the part.” But yet we love it, we love the feeling we get, when the lights go down, and the curtains open, and we get to perform. People everyday ask us, “Why would you get into theater? Doesn’t it not pay well?” or “Thats your job?” or “What else do you do?” saying that doing theater isn’t enough. We constantly defend it.
Lately, I’ve definitely felt a disconnect with the theatre world, because I feel like at the moment I wouldn’t be doing it for me, but for the directors or just to do a show. I want to participate in something that I believe in and that’s going to make me feel great about defending it every day of my life. And I haven’t really got that feeling from anything lately. I hope it comes back and hits me right in the butt! But until then, I’m not going to do much. I’ll probably talk about this a lot more in future posts, but it was a great day hanging out with Kaitlynn.

Yours for the listening,